The other family

The weekend of Fathers day 2012, this is when I found out from my older sister that my dad has been cheating on my mother, his wife of 20 years. Apparently he has a 12 year old and a 5 year old kid. My sister decided to tell me as we were on our way to bowling trip. Her words were, "Your daddy is trifling...He is our daddy and I love him but he is trifling" My boyfriend was sitting in the back seat during this entire conversation. The following day, during an awkward Fathers Day breakfast, he actually admitted to it randomly....almost boastfully.  "Yea I think I got one out there that's albino"...this was my Father's description of one of his other children. They have no names. All I know is ages, and skin colors. Since June 17th, I haven't asked any question because I am not ready for any answers. Being that I already have the complications of being adopted and having a biological family to one day build relationships with, delving into other half siblings.......big ball of mess....that's all.

I love my daddy with all my heart and I always will. He is my Father, the one who chose to raise me when my biological father could/would not. My dad and I have never had an intimate relationship. He has always lived with me..he has always been there but not there. He has never had an active role in my life. His imperfections were...well....they weren't hidden. I know my daddy lies. My daddy does not share money...at all, and He exaggerates like crazy. But the one thing I always knew was that my daddy never cheated....in my eyes it was impossible...my dad's brain just didn't work that way...and besides...who would want my daddy in that way? ugh! (lol, funny but not funny) I also have to mention all the time I heard my mom nagging at my dad about cheating...I would get so angry with her. I never voiced it but now I feel sorry for ever doubting my mothers intuition. 

Well like I said my daddy and I have never had a super close relationship....but when I found out all this...some picture that I had of him in my head fell and shattered into a million pieces. And it hurt...its crazy...all the thoughts that went through my head. I never shared it with my boyfriend (that blog is coming soon!) but as soon as I found out...I looked at him and though, if my dad can do it, why wouldn't you? It was a mind blogging place to be. My attitude towards my dad was ugly. I didn't speak much to him at all for that next month. A lot of prayer....that's what it took... because there was definitely some conviction in my heart for the spirit of unforgiveness I was holding onto with my father. Now I can say that I have forgiven my dad. I still love him to death. My trust issues though???....a whole other ballpark. When my dad is gone all day..and he doesn't answer my phone calls (like today), my mind starts wandering. Because of this....and the breakup a few months ago....I feel more disconnected from the male race than I ever have

Current ugh!:....nothing today.....car still inst fixed but I'm not stressing over that....I know God will provide as he always does.

What I'm thankful for: For God's patience and grace with me and my emotions in this season of my life

Romans 8:18-18 -I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.